HER WORDS

I lived you before 

In a soft flame between my fingers 

A light at the end of my tunnel 

My world au bout de ta lumière 

I have lived you before

I knew nothing then 

Nothing 

but the joy of chasing 

So I chased what I was always meant to want  

I lived you before 

In each stroke of my pen 

Every battement the cil 

Every soupir avant de fermer les yeux 

I have lived you before 

My cosmos hanging in your eyes 

The door to a universe I almost want to touch 

My universe yours to explore 

I’ve been tempted to keep my scars 

Maybe get new ones

A reminder of strength 

In a world of sparkles 

Sometimes I wonder about the scars

The reminders of my loss

The ones my memory fails to remember 

In a world of perfect photos

I dream of new skins 

But I worry about the scars 

My proof 

Was it true if it’s no longer? 

Where do the tears go?

How else do I honor my loss?

If they fade 

Am I at all?

This is the end of your vine

A dream of yours, in one of mine

A gift of your wishes and some of mines

You lost your pain and I found my mines

A gift to you, this fruit of mine

A shaded rest, of blues and grey 

Of tears we counted night and day 

The sweet sweet rain within our clay

Shaded your roots where our hearts lay

And your flowers, all mine today

The more dreams I dream 

The less I am she who dreams

Anxiety flirts with me, Skipping beats

A tempting reminder of beats that have made her dance

How exciting! will I, won't I?

How exciting of a gamble 

Has the grass always been this blue 

The trees this green 

The air this sweet

I thought I had to go back 

To the sundress, rose petals on my bare feet

Laughing and dancing to my old tunes

To feel the sun again

Back to the bright window 

Wildflowers in my favorite thrifted vase 

Cake in our oven 

Icing on your cheeks 

I thought I needed a treasure chest 

Full of letters and a wax seal with your name 

Memories of how I once felt 

Conclusion of how I'll never feel again

‍ ‍Thoughts of you come and go 

A never-ending painting 

The colors undone 

I play pause and rewind

The smiles in my records 

I play pause rewind my wishes

Play, pause edit till reality disappears